The Spreadsheet That Never Ends

Let’s be honest with ourselves for a moment. It is 2 AM. You are lying in bed, the blue light of your phone slowly destroying your melatonin production, and what are you doing? You are scrolling through the Kakobuy Spreadsheet. Again. You aren't even buying anything; you're just looking at rows of budget sneakers and phantom stocks like it's the financial ticker for the Dow Jones of Streetwear. Welcome to the club.

This month, the community has been absolutely obsessed with one thing: Retro Runners. We are talking about shoes that look like they belong to a 45-year-old math teacher named Gary who drives a Honda Odyssey. And yet, we style them with baggy cargo pants and pretend we are fashion icons. I have compiled the top 10 finds from the spreadsheet this month, specifically focusing on the unkillable New Balance 550 and its chunkier cousins.

1. The New Balance 550 (White/Green)

Ah, the NB 550. The shoe that replaced the Air Force 1 as the designated "I don't know what else to wear" sneaker. This month's top batch on Kakobuy is surprisingly decent, considering the price is roughly equivalent to a fast-food family meal.

The Good

The silhouette is sharp. The "N" logo actually looks like an "N" and not a bloated "H", which is a common flaw in the budget tier. The green leather accents have that nice vintage crackle, or maybe the paint is just dry. Let's call it "vintage aesthetic."

The Bad

The leather rigidity. Wearing these straight out of the box feels like strapping two hollowed-out bricks to your feet. You don't break these shoes in; they break you in. Also, the tongue tag text is slightly bold, but unless someone is inspecting your feet with a magnifying glass while you are walking (which would be weird), you are safe.

2. NB 2002R "Protection Pack" (Rain Cloud)

If you enjoy the look of a shoe that has seemingly been attacked by a rabid squirrel, the Protection Pack is for you. This is easily the most popular find on the spreadsheet right now.

The deconstructed suede layers are actually quite soft on this batch. The comfort level is high—like walking on a cloud that is slightly jagged. The only issue? The "distressed" look can sometimes look a bit too distressed. One user reported a loose thread so long they tripped over it. That is what I call commitment to the aesthetic.

3. Asics Gel-Kayano 14 (Metallic Silver)

Remember when you got made of for wearing Asics in middle school? Well, joke's on you, because now they are the pinnacle of high fashion. This find is for the technical runner enthusiasts who run exclusively to the fridge and back.

The mesh on these is breathable, likely because the material is thinner than a wet paper towel. However, the metallic silver overlays reflect light beautifully. Perfect for blinding oncoming traffic while you take fit pics in the middle of the street.

4. Nike Vomero 5 (Oatmeal)

The Vomero 5 is the comfort king. The Kakobuy link for these has been viral for weeks because of the color accuracy. The "Oatmeal" colorway is the perfect shade of beige that says, "I drink oat milk lattes and own a succulent I haven't watered in three months."

5. NB 990v3 (Grey/Castlerock)

The ultimate Dad Shoe. If you wear these, you legally have to start grilling burgers or complaining about the thermostat. The suede quality on the top-tier batch is buttery smooth. The only downside is that the reflective 3M patches are sometimes misaligned, making you look slightly lopsided in flash photography.

6. JJJJound x NB 992

For those who want to look wealthy but also discrete. This collaboration is notoriously hard to get right, but the current spreadsheet darling gets the "earth tones" mostly correct. The heel embroidery is a little shaky—the "USA" text looks like it was stitched during an earthquake—but the overall shape holds up.

7. Salomon XT-6 (Black/White)

Okay, not strictly a "retro runner" in the traditional sense, but it's part of the Gorpcore wave. These are for people who want to look like they are about to hike Mount Everest but are actually just going to Target. The Quicklace system on this batch actually works, which is a miracle of modern engineering.

8. NB 1906R (White/Gold)

The chaotic younger brother of the 2002R. There is so much going on with this shoe—plastic cages, mesh, leather overlays. It looks like a Transformer mid-morph. The batch circulating this month has fixed the "yellowing sole" issue, meaning it looks intentionally aged rather than "sat in a smoker's lounge for 10 years" aged.

9. Adidas Samba OG (White/Black)

We had to include the Samba. I know, everyone has them. Even your grandma probably has a pair. But the $15 batch on the spreadsheet is practically unbeatable for a beater shoe. Just don't expect arch support. Walking in these feels like being barefoot on concrete, but hey, you look trendy!

10. The Mystery Box Special

Number 10 is reserved for the brave souls who bought the "Random Lucky Bag" runner option. Results varied from high-tier NB 990s to a single Croc (left foot only). It’s gambling, plain and simple. But isn't that why we love the spreadsheet?

Conclusion: Touch Grass, But Wear Nice Shoes

Whether you are chasing the 550 hype train way past its departure time or leaning into the Asics technical aesthetic, the Kakobuy spreadsheet provided some gems this month. Just remember to air them out on the balcony for 24 hours to get rid of that "factory fresh" hydroxyfufu scent. Happy hunting!